Waking Up

I had no idea six months ago that my life would be so altered by the death of my husband. I'm waking each day a little more different than the day before. I'm not exactly sure what is making all the changes in my life, there are a million little things that "could" be causing the changes, but other than God's hand I can't pinpoint what else might be THEE defining influence in my life.

I thought I might try to make a list of the people and things that I can say have and are"helping" me come out of this fog I've been in.

1.  Number one is ALWAYS God and His word. I can't ever express how much I depend upon both. Of course God manifests Himself through love and because He lives in the hearts of so many of my friends, He manifests through them as well. I found myself gorging on the word in the darkest hours and the comfort of God's promises has compelled me onto the many tomorrows since Jeff went onto be with the Lord.
2. My little sister. She stayed with me for two weeks after my husband died. She cried with me, held me and gave me a sane place in the face of horrific sorrow. We were never close as children, but God began drawing us together about five years ago. She surprised me on my birthday one year and came from Wyoming. We had the time of our lives and I'll never forget her for her sacrificial love. Father I pray that you would bless her with miracles in every area of her life. She deserves so much.
3. A good girlfriend here in Gardendale that calls and ministers communion EVERY morning has been like my flesh and blood ROCK. We share the word and principles of healing and faith. She is older than me and has lots of gentle wisdom. She listens and loves me when I'm hurting. She also lets me come by anytime I need to get out of my cave. She actually came and got my mail key and outgoing mail and made a trip to the post office for me this morning. It was out of her way, but she wanted to share some precious articles we'd discussed on the phone. She left them with me so I could duplicate them and thought she might just pick up my mail while I copied them! When I was so ill several weeks ago, she called and got my grocery list. She bought me groceries and blessed me with them. These sorts of things have given me hope in my fellow man when I had pretty much given up.
4. My best friend and her daughter who live in Midland. She "slaps" me in the face (not literally) with the word and NEVER lets me make excuses for my sin or for the sins of others. She tells me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Her daughter is my buddy. We share the word in a load of different ways. She is six years younger than my daughter and has been with me in the darkest hours of my sorrow. I owe her my life as she saw me through times when death seemed preferable.
5. A prophet friend in Decatur, Texas. His voice and love of the word helped me make it through those times when I missed my husband's voice like a drowning man misses air. 
6. An apostle friend in Arizona. He prayed for me and gave me prophetic words of direction many times. He continues to check on me and gives me prayer needs of his own to focus my faith on and to pull me outside of myself. It's odd how often I seemed to implode during this time of mourning.
7. I have several authors that are my favorites: Kenneth E. Hagin, Smith Wigglesworth, Charles Capps, Kenneth Copeland, Norvel Hayes and several others. Their books about faith, healing and prayer are my favorites and these men of God, some here some gone on to their rewards, have shared their vast wealth of knowledge to my benefit. I ask God to send new treasures into the mansions of those who have gone on. Not sure if it happens, but I'm trusting it does. I want them to know when they are a blessing to me here on earth.
8. I have a stack of precious sisters in the Lord that create beautiful cards and send them with a little cash just to "make my day". Oh dear Lord they have no idea how much I needed and continue to need such things.
9. There is a couple that I really didn't know before Jeff died. The husband was a friend and also worked with Jeff climbing towers for the TV network they both worked for. After Jeff died they came by with feed for my goats and fowl. They took me to dinner and blessed me with so much love I can't even express it.
10. My Russian girlfriends. I have a bible study with them every Thursday evening. It is a challenge to cross cultural and language bridges, but I delight in it and having someone besides myself to focus on. 
11. My daughter and grandchildren. I can't see them, they don't call and the adversary has blocked them from my life, but dear God I pray for them and they compel me in ways only God knows. I lift them for the biggest blessings that God can provide. I surround them with faith. I shower them with love. I so miss them. I miss them as much as I miss my husband and they are alive. 
12. The adversary. He has caused me to focus in on faith like a missile system focuses in on a terror cell in the middle east. My hatred of him is so immense that if I sense even the least little ache, pain, suffering, sorrow, hatred, envy or any one of a thousand manifestations of his presence I got "postal" in prayer and in the spirit. He compels me in ways that again, ONLY God knows! 

There are so many others who have and continue to touch me and change me. God uses braying jackasses, sweet sisters, precious brothers, horrible circumstances and situations to make me into the child He can use to love the unlovable and reach the untouchable.  I have no idea what I shall be when this life here is over, but I know I am and have been transformed in ways that stretch my soul to its breaking point. I know the work has only just begun, but I'm awake and aware that God is at work.

Selah

Cerise

God, His Revelation to Us

God, who is He? Where is He? Does He exist? Why can't we see Him? If He exists, why does He allow suffering? If He exists, why doesn't He do something about the evil in the world?

I believe in God and more than that I know Him. I couldn't live if I didn't have a personal relationship with Him. Once upon a time not so long ago I would have asked those questions in my mind, but NEVER have voiced them out loud. Today, BECAUSE I know Him I am not afraid to face them and verbalize them.

This is how I understand God from what He has revealed to us through first His written word, and then through the living word (His Son Yeshua the Messiah).

1. God exists, always has and needs no outside source to do so
2. God is three part (spirit, soul [mind, will and emotions} and body)
3. God created angels as ministering spirits
4. One angel (an arch angel with a high ranking) rebelled out of pride
5. All the angels God set under him went with him
6. God has way more angels than the enemy has
   
7. God manifested His son (who already existed in the spirit realm)
8. The adversary enticed His son (Adam) to rebel
   
9. God was WAY ahead of the enemy
10. God's plan was for man to do exactly what he did. Adam's apparent failure was part of God's plan or will.
    
11. God's son was slain in God's mind BEFORE the foundation of the world
12. God defeated the enemy BEFORE he ever took a single thought
13. God works outside of time, though He is in time as well
14. God is spirit
15. His words are spirit, light, life, water, seed, eternal, and powerful
    
16. All things natural are made from all things spiritual
17. God who is light can never be put out by darkness, but darkness can't stay where light is
    
18. God has put man on and in a limited time frame and when the time is up, it's up.
19. God gave man 7,000 years to destroy the works of the adversary. It was done in Messiah, but the full manifestation won't be until the 7,000th year is up. Today if you trust the Hebrew calendar keeping is year 5771.
    
20. God is love and His plan is full of mercy and grace.
21. God hates sin because it kills His children.
22. Sin was completely dealt with in the Messiah's life, death and resurrection.
23. Those who walk by faith (the power of the eternal kingdom) are eternally sealed in Messiah Yeshua.
24. God gave dominion to man when He placed Him in the garden
25. Man gave dominion to the adversary when he sold out his birthright for the forbidden fruit. (Knowledge of good and evil.)
26. Yahowshua Hamashiach bought dominion back when he went to the death side of "paradise" and suffered for all mankind's sin. He took the keys of death, hell and the grave with him.
    
27. Yeshua now intercedes for us on the throne of heaven. He temporarily has all authority in heaven and earth. He will surrender it voluntarily to the Father when the 7,000th year is up. He will hand all authority back to him just before the 8th day or when the clock stops and eternity takes over again.
    
28. It's very exciting to be a child of the Most High through Messiah Yahowshua!
    
29. God is not just God to me; He is my Abba (Father in Hebrew).
    
30. I no longer have to be afraid of Him and hide like Adam did in the garden. In Messiah I can approach without fear to his throne. Even though I still have sin residing in the dirt bag I call my earthly body, I have the Holy Spirit (Ruach Hakodesh) sealing and infilling me!
    
31. You can have this too. Just believe that Yeshua was really who he said he was. He came and lived as the living torah or living word, God or YHVH manifested Him to destroy the works of the adversary. Call on his name; Yahowshua Ha Mashiach (also known as Jesus the Christ). You will then be adopted into the eternal family of God and be an eternal creature. Sin will no longer have dominion over you and your life.