Monday, November 18, 2013

Something Old, Something New...

I've been remarried 18 days and life is as weird as it could be. I keep looking for something familiar with little to no success. Talking to a good friend (also a widow) who has been remarried for two years I'm fast learning that familiar is not to be had. It's all about making new traditions and wearing "new shoes". She keeps using analogies like, "leaving the familiar comforts of the sunny beach, and heading out to deep waters". I'm not a fan of swimming to start with, so the idea of leaving the safety of the beach to tread water in the deep sea makes my throat tighten. Now mind you, I love my new husband and I did ask God for someone different from my late husband, but does he have to be SO different?

I foolishly thought we would meld together seamlessly and easily. After all we are experienced at marriage. Between the two of us we have 68 years of experience. What a cruel trick assumption has played on the newly remarried bride I have become.

We are both accustomed to doing things certain ways. We are both VERY accustomed to doing things certain ways and having spouses that did things certain ways. How odd that we must learn new ways of doing things, and relearn the art of choosing battles and compromises.

The 34 years of marriage experience I went into this adventure with has eased many aspects of my new life. I already knew I would have to compromise, it's part of marriage. I already knew that some things just aren't worth fighting over to begin with. The difficult part in all of this preparation is that my new husband has totally different ideas of what is vital and what is superfluous. I'm quiet a great deal these days. I don't want to be drawn into arguments, I do want to learn all I can from observation of my husband. No matter how much one knows about a person going into a marriage, the final "I do" changes its participants.

Life is short and I know it just a little too well to begin with. Losing my husband to sudden death from a coronary changed my outlook. For this reason I'm not looking at my destination so much, but at how to enjoy the journey. The journey has lots of pot holes, detours and rough places, but I'm not traveling it alone any more. I loved being married the first time. Why else would I have ever considered a second go at it? I have someone to give to. I have someone to share things with. I have someone to blame. Yes, we blame our spouses as a protective mechanism. "I can't do this or that. My husband will be home and he has plans". He is my instant out.  I have someone to hold and to be held by. I have a man who loves to talk and to share similar likes. He also has things he enjoys that are completely foreign. I'm back in school as far as learning to work with someone new. I thought I'd be in junior high (at the very least). It seems I'm back in kindergarten.

I've just barely begun this adventure. I didn't have anything traditional at my civil wedding service. Thankfully the woman Justice of the Peace was a believer and she invoked God and even had us say the Lord's Prayer at our nuptials. I guess I'll be looking for something borrowed and something blue to finish out my very unconventional marriage. Perhaps I'll skip that as well, wouldn't want to be too predictable!