My life is changing in so many ways I can't even note them all. This is odd because I'm a list maker and I'm not even the least bit interested in putting together a list of the changes. I feel like a caterpillar that is strangely drawn to wrap herself up in a chrysalis and withdraw while the metamorphosis takes place.
The privacy of my chrysalis allows me to face the tearing away of the flesh and soul of my beloved husband. It allows me a safe covering from the onslaught of worldly events I seem to be totally sequestered from.
I sense new things are coming out of the transformation I'm undergoing. Some of my friends are closer than ever before. Some have chosen to step away from the strange manifestations they see happening in my life.
The idea that I shall be a completely different person when the time for my emergence begins is surreal. I never anticipated the way my husband left. I had imagined he would die a different martyr's death many times. For him to die in my arms never crossed my mind. Never.
So as I stretch in my chrysalis and new things come to light in the small fissures that are appearing in my shelter, I anticipate the woman I will be. I look forward to the healing of my heart and soul. I delight in the new opportunities I will encounter. I will be a totally different creature when this is all over.
- love never fails.
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