Walking By Faith

God is love. Sounds pretty simple, but within those three little words is truth that goes beyond anything we can imagine. In the bible it says, "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the
heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him 10 But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.." 1 Corinthians 2:9-10 

We have a tendency (because we are presently wrapped in temporary flesh) to focus on the here and now of life, but we are spirit. Spirit is eternal. Being eternal means we aren't only involved in this linear timeline we call "the present", but are also part of a realm that exists alongside and occasionally intersects with our "reality". Everything in the spirit realm moves at the speed of light. That's pretty fast. When we intersect (by faith) into the spirit realm God can bring things from that realm to this. It sounds pretty fantastic, but if you read and study the word of God it is much clearer. 

John 1:In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 The same was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men. 5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. 

Yeshua/Jesus was the light that God spoke when He declared, "Light be". He manifested His Son to destroy the works of the adversary. His Son was with Him in the beginning when He created all we see, smell, taste, feel and hear! 

Faith is the divine substance that causes what we hope for to manifest into what we can see. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen". We find what we hope for in the word of God. (There are so many things we can hope for if we dig deep enough.) Then we by faith take them and call them our own. God put His faith in us. Just meditate on that for a little while and you'll be filled with hope. Faith is a fruit of the spirit. It is a faith of our spirits! Some think that it's a fruit of the Holy Spirit, but if that were the case we'd ALL (believers) be walking in the fruits of the Spirit. It is a fruit of our righteousness, the righteousness given us by Christ when we were born again. If we sow to our spirits we will reap the fruits of our spirits. Faith is one of those fruits! As we sow the word in our spirits and act on whatever we've sown we can begin to produce the fruit of faith. Faith comes by hearing and hearing comes by the word of God. The more word we sow in our hearts and the more word we act upon, the stronger our faith becomes! 

The just (those made righteous in Christ that claim that righteousness) shall LIVE by faith. Without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God. Faith is how we are saved, it how we obtain anything God promises. Most folks work themselves to early graves attempting to get what they need, but it can all be obtained by faith. That isn't to say that we're to sit on our behinds and "live by faith", that couldn't be further from the truth. It takes faith just to live by faith! It takes a great deal of effort to "enter into His rest". It takes a great deal of time in the word to obtain all those great promises.

So today is another opportunity to "live by faith" and so I seek the face of God for yet another day. My life isn't easy, but it sure is getting better. Why? It is getting better because all this time in the presence of God is making my faith grow and bringing to me everything I need or want. God is love and He manifests Himself to those who love Him and trust His word.

Selah

Farm Living

When I returned home from running errands today I was met at my front porch by my rooster Rosie and his henny woman Princess. They were giving me the "we want an early dinner" call. These two are quite a pair. After I gave them their private meal I took some scratch out to the other 10 chickens and spare rooster "Fajita". Later while watering my trees I discovered that Rosie and Princess were taking private dirt baths in my garden soil. I had so neatly leveled it and watered it to keep it from blowing away in our west Texas breezes. Now the dirt formerly known as level has huge dips in it where they have rubbed themselves. I lightly sprayed them with the hose, but they simple squawked at me. I had to chase them out of the garden. I guess that means I'll be shutting my gate from now on to slow down their hole digging.

Yesterday I had the front door open and was enjoying light breezes through my old fashion wood and a screen door. Rosie decided around 3:30pm to start crooning to Princess. It sounds like he's dying when he does this. It's almost like hearing an alien calling for his freaky mama! Princess stood at my front door making the most irritating noise as if to say, "Will you shut up old man, you're driving me crazy". I finally had to close the door and turn my overhead fans on. So much for a little natural breeze and sun.

I've planned to give my chickens away so I can minister out of town. I really hate giving up these two as they are really pets. The idea that someone wouldn't give them the care I offer upsets me. I may yet hold out and keep them after all. We shall see.

My life on this non-working farm is quiet these days. I pulled weeds today, watered my trees, set eight bricks in the sand for a stepping stone, planted some morning glories and now my back is a little sore. Decisions these days are tough. I want to do this and that, but I'm struggling for clarity. I have to trust God through so many hardships and turn my back on conventional methods of supply. God has proved more than faithful. I'm still living on a farm, but not much of a farmer anymore.

Waking Up

I had no idea six months ago that my life would be so altered by the death of my husband. I'm waking each day a little more different than the day before. I'm not exactly sure what is making all the changes in my life, there are a million little things that "could" be causing the changes, but other than God's hand I can't pinpoint what else might be THEE defining influence in my life.

I thought I might try to make a list of the people and things that I can say have and are"helping" me come out of this fog I've been in.

1.  Number one is ALWAYS God and His word. I can't ever express how much I depend upon both. Of course God manifests Himself through love and because He lives in the hearts of so many of my friends, He manifests through them as well. I found myself gorging on the word in the darkest hours and the comfort of God's promises has compelled me onto the many tomorrows since Jeff went onto be with the Lord.
2. My little sister. She stayed with me for two weeks after my husband died. She cried with me, held me and gave me a sane place in the face of horrific sorrow. We were never close as children, but God began drawing us together about five years ago. She surprised me on my birthday one year and came from Wyoming. We had the time of our lives and I'll never forget her for her sacrificial love. Father I pray that you would bless her with miracles in every area of her life. She deserves so much.
3. A good girlfriend here in Gardendale that calls and ministers communion EVERY morning has been like my flesh and blood ROCK. We share the word and principles of healing and faith. She is older than me and has lots of gentle wisdom. She listens and loves me when I'm hurting. She also lets me come by anytime I need to get out of my cave. She actually came and got my mail key and outgoing mail and made a trip to the post office for me this morning. It was out of her way, but she wanted to share some precious articles we'd discussed on the phone. She left them with me so I could duplicate them and thought she might just pick up my mail while I copied them! When I was so ill several weeks ago, she called and got my grocery list. She bought me groceries and blessed me with them. These sorts of things have given me hope in my fellow man when I had pretty much given up.
4. My best friend and her daughter who live in Midland. She "slaps" me in the face (not literally) with the word and NEVER lets me make excuses for my sin or for the sins of others. She tells me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Her daughter is my buddy. We share the word in a load of different ways. She is six years younger than my daughter and has been with me in the darkest hours of my sorrow. I owe her my life as she saw me through times when death seemed preferable.
5. A prophet friend in Decatur, Texas. His voice and love of the word helped me make it through those times when I missed my husband's voice like a drowning man misses air. 
6. An apostle friend in Arizona. He prayed for me and gave me prophetic words of direction many times. He continues to check on me and gives me prayer needs of his own to focus my faith on and to pull me outside of myself. It's odd how often I seemed to implode during this time of mourning.
7. I have several authors that are my favorites: Kenneth E. Hagin, Smith Wigglesworth, Charles Capps, Kenneth Copeland, Norvel Hayes and several others. Their books about faith, healing and prayer are my favorites and these men of God, some here some gone on to their rewards, have shared their vast wealth of knowledge to my benefit. I ask God to send new treasures into the mansions of those who have gone on. Not sure if it happens, but I'm trusting it does. I want them to know when they are a blessing to me here on earth.
8. I have a stack of precious sisters in the Lord that create beautiful cards and send them with a little cash just to "make my day". Oh dear Lord they have no idea how much I needed and continue to need such things.
9. There is a couple that I really didn't know before Jeff died. The husband was a friend and also worked with Jeff climbing towers for the TV network they both worked for. After Jeff died they came by with feed for my goats and fowl. They took me to dinner and blessed me with so much love I can't even express it.
10. My Russian girlfriends. I have a bible study with them every Thursday evening. It is a challenge to cross cultural and language bridges, but I delight in it and having someone besides myself to focus on. 
11. My daughter and grandchildren. I can't see them, they don't call and the adversary has blocked them from my life, but dear God I pray for them and they compel me in ways only God knows. I lift them for the biggest blessings that God can provide. I surround them with faith. I shower them with love. I so miss them. I miss them as much as I miss my husband and they are alive. 
12. The adversary. He has caused me to focus in on faith like a missile system focuses in on a terror cell in the middle east. My hatred of him is so immense that if I sense even the least little ache, pain, suffering, sorrow, hatred, envy or any one of a thousand manifestations of his presence I got "postal" in prayer and in the spirit. He compels me in ways that again, ONLY God knows! 

There are so many others who have and continue to touch me and change me. God uses braying jackasses, sweet sisters, precious brothers, horrible circumstances and situations to make me into the child He can use to love the unlovable and reach the untouchable.  I have no idea what I shall be when this life here is over, but I know I am and have been transformed in ways that stretch my soul to its breaking point. I know the work has only just begun, but I'm awake and aware that God is at work.

Selah

Cerise

By Faith

It's just after noon on Saturday. I'm sitting in my recliner with the front door open. The sound of spring lies just beyond the screen door and I'm breathing in deeply of all life has to offer this day.

I've been a widow (that still sounds weird to me) for just under six months and I'm learning a load of life lessons everyday. God is still on the throne, I will survive, I am not alone and I will go on.

I have a list of "to dos" that seems as long as my leg, but I'm one person and I'm learning to resort to God in a new way everyday. Today I decided to do another new thing. Actually I had decided to do it on one of my shopping adventures. I picked up a repair kit for bicycle tires. I have several things that have tubed tires in them. One was the garden cart someone gave us a couple years back. It has never been used. The little rubber spikes on the tires can testify to its disuse. In spite of its disuse it had a flat.
I decided to tackle the job of pulling the tube and tire, repairing the hole in the tube and then putting it all back together.

I remember my dad fixing tubes on our bikes when I was young. I remember him filling a bucket with soapy water and inflating the tube. One the tube was submerged in the soapy water he could see the hole. So I wrangled the tube and tire off its wheel and turned my compressor on. Inflated the tire and used my wash tub with soapy water to find the hole. One problem: too much soap. I had to bale the soapy bubbles out of the water. Once the majority of the bubbles were gone I could not only hear and feel the air escaping, but I could see where the hole was!

I put my finger on the hole, dried off the tube and followed the instructions on the repair kit. The first try was unsuccessful as the tube was a tad damp. The second effort proved successful!

After all of this came the real challenge. I have come to depend upon God's helpers, the ministering spirits or angels. The wheel was digging into the dirt and causing it to be full of sand. I heard a gentle, "turn it on its side" and so I did. I used the little pry tools provided in the kit, aired the tire and voila a fixed flat. Just one in a long list of "new things I've learned to do since my husband died"! Now I can sell the cart and someone who will use it will get more use out of it!

I'm learning to believe I can do whatever I hear God to do! It's called living by faith. It's not natural, but I sure love it when it works. Thus far it's worked without a hitch! Thanks Abba!


- love never fails.

Spreading Wings

My life is changing in so many ways I can't even note them all. This is odd because I'm a list maker and I'm not even the least bit interested in putting together a list of the changes. I feel like a caterpillar that is strangely drawn to wrap herself up in a chrysalis and withdraw while the metamorphosis takes place.

The privacy of my chrysalis allows me to face the tearing away of the flesh and soul of my beloved husband. It allows me a safe covering from the onslaught of worldly events I seem to be totally sequestered from.

I sense new things are coming out of the transformation I'm undergoing. Some of my friends are closer than ever before. Some have chosen to step away from the strange manifestations they see happening in my life.

The idea that I shall be a completely different person when the time for my emergence begins is surreal. I never anticipated the way my husband left. I had imagined he would die a different martyr's death many times. For him to die in my arms never crossed my mind. Never.

So as I stretch in my chrysalis and new things come to light in the small fissures that are appearing in my shelter, I anticipate the woman I will be. I look forward to the healing of my heart and soul. I delight in the new opportunities I will encounter. I will be a totally different creature when this is all over.






- love never fails.

Crossing out the Farmer?

Two men are coming for one of my last two goats this morning. Soon all my chickens will be transported to their home and I'll be very close to freedom from the responsibilities of caring for farm animals. I will still own a small farm, but I'll only have a cat and a dog. It will be weird, but everything about my life recently has been weird. No animals and no husband. Both seem VERY weird to me. A good friend of mine told me that "abnormal" would become my new normal. This was in reference to widowhood. She was so right on. Her mom has buried three husbands and will more than likely bury her fourth. I don't think I could do widowhood that many times.

Today it's overcast with a slight promise of rain. I feel like that more often than I care to admit. I'm an optimistic, but wary person. I have hope for all, but am also in touch with the realities of life. I consider myself balanced, but I have my off days when I have to cling to God and cry out for grace and mercy. I don't cry nearly as often as I did when Jeff first died. It still sneaks up on me from time to time, but I'm better and better all the time as well.

I am in love with my friends right now. So many have filled in the voids that were left at my husband's death. I know I can call them and they have been so gracious to call me intermittently and check on me. Some bring groceries, some even brought food for my goats and chickens. I've made so many new friends as well. The guys coming to get my goats are friends now. My neighbors have become very close and I'm even looking forward to barbecues and get togethers where we play our instruments and sing. I'm looking forward to living again and I'm actually enjoying the journey again.  I think I might live after all.

I'm learning that all the ups and downs I've experienced are VERY normal in mourning. I mourned when my baby son died of SIDS, but it was nothing compared to losing Jeff. He was my buddy, my confidant, my lover and the one who could get under my skin faster than a cheetah after a gazelle.

Now I'm moving on in so many ways. I do some things the same way I did when he was here, but I also do so many other things so differently I surprise myself. I'm rediscovering myself. I'm much stronger than he ever gave me credit for. I'm working at compassion in much bigger ways. I know how much I need it right now, so I'm sowing it with the grouchy and nasty people of the world.

Life goes on. Folks bury folks all the time. Folks are abandoned all the time. Folks are betrayed all the time. It's all about what you do with the situation at hand. It's all about how your respond to the circumstances. I'm choosing to press into God, His word and His will for my life. For now I am a "retired farmer". I can live with that. I know that my beloved animals have a better chance of getting fed where they are. I know I won't have to lug home bales of alfalfa because the field in my acreage is empty. There are many advantages to being a "retired farmer". I was mostly a petting "zoo" operator. I don't like eggs so I mostly gave them away. My goats were pets and we only butchered one of them. I ate some tasty goat, but gave 90% of it to a friend who helped me with some plumbing.

I guess I can't really cross out the "farmer" in my title above. I'll leave it for now knowing that I WAS once a farmer and it  forever changed the woman I was into who I am today.

Reese

I'm Back, Well Sort Of

Have you ever been lead on a solitary journey into a wilderness you would rather have skipped? I'm feeling rather ambiguous about the one I just finished. Of course feelings are very often ambiguous, I've learned many times the hard way. In all actuality I may still be in the wilderness and may still be on the journey? Again ambiguity seems to be the word of my day.

My husband has been gone for close to five months now. The moments of insanity are further apart all the time. The stabbing pain in my gut when I see his picture has become a dull ache and I find myself a little less devastated at his absence.

Along with the shock, numbness and anger that comes with widowhood come a few other unwanted visitors such as fear and helplessness. I've come to the conclusion that the devil himself orchestrates much of what surrounds the mourning process. I'm also quite confident that Abba Father trumps his direction with angels and the Comforter on a regular basis!

Women have become widows all throughout history, but it is a new journey for each and every one of them. No two paths are identical, but they share enough in common to cause a strange sort of "sisterhood" amongst its ranks. I discovered along my path many of the commonalities we share. I'm a proactive kind of person so I went searching out anyone I knew personally who was widowed. Our numbers are bigger than I could have ever guessed! We enjoy each others company and camaraderie. Those who have been in the sisterhood the longest are quick to share their testimonials and helpful advice. We are a group of ants about to take on a Goliath of a grasshopper and chase him to kingdom come!

I've been blessed by so many people on this early part of my journey. It seems that whether widowed or not, folks know that losing a spouse is devastating and go far to help those in this fragile state of being. Of course there are also others who are equally willing to take advantage of the woman whose earthly covering has left her unattended. Sadly I've had my share of this sort of people as well. I've learned to forgive quickly and just move on.

The weirdest surprise I've had is folks who disown you once their "friend" in your husband is gone. I understand the concept of the "third wheel", but not when you've been part of every holiday and birthday of their children and other integral facets of their lives. It showed me how little I knew some of the people I called friends. It has caused me to be less blind to things I had previously purposely ignored. Again a quick forgive and move on has been requisite.

Thankfully for each bump I've encountered on my short but obstacle packed trip have been wonderful friends. The calls and cards come just when I need them. God has graced me with some precious sisters in the faith. The "blood" between us causes us to be bound eternally and seemingly makes us extra connected in multitudinous ways. Hallelujah!

I have more road ahead of me so I'd better close for now. I'm not sure of my destination or when this phase of the journey will be complete. For some reason (oh yeah God) I'm a strong woman and I always come up on top like the proverbial cream on the milk jug. I give my heavenly Father all the credit for any successes I've had. I sure didn't have the strength in myself to survive these past five months. I give Him the credit for all the successes I shall have in the days, weeks and months ahead of me. I know that once again I shall me leaning on Him for my very breath, so I might as well start my thank yous early.

For all my girlfriends and sisters in Christ, and I do mean ALL if you I owe my love and gratitude as well. I know you've been praying if you haven't been in attendance physically. I understand your individual circumstances and situations. I can also tell that prayers have gone up for me. I love and need you more than you will ever know.

Que Kleenex commercial because that paragraph started the incessant waterworks. I really do need each person that God has sent my way. Thanks, hugs and all my love.

Cerise




- love never fails.